“Relinquished.”

Permanence is such a petty thing when it pertains to life. Actions we take, decisions we make, the simple choice to wake up every day is enough to make an impact that can last centuries. Yet, a single lifetime is never enough. Yearning for more, we strive to make our lives longer, grasping at just a bit more time, more, more, more. We end up living so long, only to realize that all things must end. To turn back and see that the eternity you sought was spent doing nothing.
Was it worth it?

Traced and laced, a grand design.
You play the hero, oh so fine
A decorated resolution to your own crimes
An eternity spent wanting more time.
While tears are shed from eyes turned blind
Chased and strived, for a life you sought
Without ever having second thoughts
Not once did you stop, never did you pause
With your back to the past, atop your noble cause
Further and further did you climb, a height that only you defined
Time after time, a hero of your own design
With gleaming eyes that burned so bright
When did your eyes become so blind?

“Fifty-Six.”

For every word I put to pen
A thousand more remain unsaid
One, two, three, four
On and on, a thousand more

In every night, your jade green eyes
Shine so bright, enticing me with lies
A prison locked with a snow cold kiss
Remind me of the one I continue to miss
Keep me still, beside your heart
With winter nights, we start to part
Away, away, so far away
But locked am I, with words I can never say
Blinded by hope, and a promise to protect
Chains of jasper, clasped firmly around my neck
Not ready to let go, afraid of being alone
My still-white demon, where did you go?

“Form.”

I despised isolation.
But somehow, I couldn’t help but adore the feeling.
Alone, I was finally able to see who I was
What I was.
A self I could never have faced otherwise.
Perhaps I should be grateful.

Crawl upon my fingertips
Kiss me with your strawberry lips
And sway my heart with devil’s hips
String me up with moonlit cords
And dance, with my drugged corpse
Words that streamed from lips now aged
Gone, locked away, inside your porcelain cage
How could I forget, while forced in chains
Lessons taught, like drops of rain
Enamored within a reality I could never maintain
Please believe, this is not who I was meant to be
This version of me, blinded, unable to see
How could I forget, the feeling burned into my heart
I regret to say, I have lost the capacity
To turn these awful words, into beautiful art.

“Hindsight.”

It’s dull.
A sort of dull, longing ache.
I don’t think I want to go back to how we were.
I think I just miss how life was.

We dreamt of a stage fit for all.
A place that we could call,
Our own, our dreams, so simple
At least, to me, it seemed.
Years went by, and slowly we fell apart.
As if we never were, from the start.
Days spent laughing in the day.
Now forever, feel so far away
If I could go back, I’d do it all again
A child’s dream, to play pretend.
If I could laugh with all of you once more
If I could just have one more day
Make this last, let me stay
Please, don’t make this the end
I wish, I could keep my friends.

“Let Down.”

Damn it.

You were the closest thing I had to a father.
The closest thing I had to a mentor.
You were the only one who had expectations for me.
And I failed.
So why? Why are you still there?
Why do you still push me forward?
How can I approach the coming day
When I only wish to weep in the night?

“Necessity.”

It sucks being a last choice.
It sucks even more when you realize what you are.
But still.
I’d rather be needed, than wanted. I guess.

Such a wonderful life.
She’s up and left, he’s gone and found a wife.
Sick and alone, laying on my bathroom floor.
What am I staring at pictures of you for?
Stop calling, mind your business
Don’t coax me with words of forgiveness
Did I miss you? Do I want you?
Should I beg, on my knees, say I need you?
You’re calling, barely screaming
Banging on my door, yelling, pleading
Words thrown against the floor, don’t convince me
Treat my life like a commodity
When I’ve never been a necessity.

“If Only.”

Life is just one big ball of regrets.
Every single waking moment is spent
Wondering why we never left the starting line
Or why we never made it to the finish.

If only I practiced a little more.
If only I hadn’t made excuses.
If only I didn’t stop halfway.
If only I had kept going.
If only I went a little farther.
If only I said a little more.
If only
If only
If only I had taken one step further.

“It Keeps Raining.”

I don’t really mind the rain.
It calms my nerves and helps me sleep.
Plus, it reminds me of you.

Summer winds and winter showers.
Lovers left alone after hours.
He tries to smile, as she does so clearly.
He holds on tight, to her, he cares so dearly.
But time always ends, and things always change.
A happy young man, left standing in the rain.
She’s gone, she left, she hopes for the best
Or so she keeps saying.
He’s hurt, he’s alone, his heart was put to the test.
But inside, deep down inside
It still keeps on raining.

“Bored.”

He stares at an empty sky
Drowning in thoughts of her tonight.
Drunk off lust and affection
In a constant state of intoxication.

She smiled as she cried.
Realizing she meant more to him.
Joy erupted as she shed her tears.
Not knowing his passing whims.
Shook with glee as she held his hand.
Not knowing where inside his head
Where exactly in his heart, she stands.
Flights of affection, shiver in her fragile heart.
While he stares alone at night.
Wishing she’d tear him apart.
He’s done, he’s tired, he’s bored of playing pretend.
She’s broken, she’s used, she’s alone in the end.
She begs, with tears streaming down her face.
As he walks away, looking for someone else to replace.

“Waste of Time.”

A million words reached out and grabbed a thousand hearts.
Strangled and mangled, they put themselves back together.
Reaching out to heal others, forever and ever.

She picked up the scraps, and kept them inside.
Locked in a drawer, sworn always to hide.
Joked as she spoke, of a hobby with ink.
Laughed as she said, “It means nothing to me.”
Wasting her time, on words left unspoken.
A pen left unused, a world oh so broken.
But a world she created, and left locked inside.
A beauty unknown, as they scream and they cry.
“Release us, release us, please let the world see”
“Reflections of you, yes that’s what we are, just let us out, please.”
“The world on this paper, is more than just hobbies of ink”